I'd say yes but you wouldn't want me anyway
by distancing reality
Summary: Padme struggles with her feelings about a passionate kiss that left her breathless. The problem? The man she actually wants won't even look at her. - Or in shipper terms: a look at the Obidala leg stroke - angst - onesided relationship -


**I'd say yes but you wouldn't want me anyway**

an Obidala fic

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Did I ever think I would be here, fighting for my life in the center of a wide sandy arena? Crouching high on a stone pillar? Surrounded by jeering aliens?

Yes, and no.

This isn't the sort of thing you expect to experience in my line of work. Ambassadors are known for talking, communicating. It's cowards like Dooku that choose to throw their guests into pits with monsters. And yet, this isn't the first time I've had to take things into my own hands to succeed in a mission.

Blood drips down my raw back, stinging, and I wince. Oh yes, there's that too. I squint down into the crowd. Hundreds maybe thousands of winged bug like creatures shriek and buzz in the stands. My ears are sore from the screaming. And the sun glares down like a furnace, harsh and hot.

"Padme!"

I glance down to the foot of the pillar; Anakin's gotten control of that reddish bull creature. It bucks it's body and swings its large neck to the side but Anakin holds on, cupping a hand over his mouth to yell.

"Jump!"

Surely not? But he cups his hand and yells again. Exhilaration thrums through my chest, much stronger in my heart than the fear. Of the height. Of the arena. Of death.

So I jump.

Pain shoots up through my body as my knees jolt into the back of the bull. My hands scrabble around Anakin's neck to keep from falling. But I lean into his strong back, pressing a quick kiss to his ear. I'd been aiming for his cheek. The peck earns me a small grin. I'm sure he'd return the gesture if we had time. Of course, but we have no time. He jerks the rope in his hands and we race across the arena floor. Bouncing and clomping along with the bull's gait.

Suddenly a hand tugs on my knee and Obi-Wan is clambering up the side of the bull. Bracing myself against Anakin I reach down to pull Obi-Wan up. His hand is wide and smooth and covers mine. He's just as safe as we are now. I move to reassure myself he's really there behind us but a bump causes my hand to miss him. I brush his knee?

Thigh?

Leg.

Doesn't matter.

At the same time his hand glides across my shoulder to steady himself. But his touch lingers a second too long. I pause. My breath is short and each swallow hurts. The sun blazes, heat rising off the arena floor but Obi-Wan's body heat is far more noticeable. It's such an innocent thing, something he can't control. Yet it distracts from the chaotic roar of voices. Have his hands always been this soft?

I grip the edge of Anakin's tunic, breathing deeply.

Anakin.

_Anakin._

**Anakin Skywalker.**

I press my cheek against his back, forcing myself to remember why I'm clinging to him. I can still remember the memory of Anakin's chapped but gentle lips kissing me. If I focus I can still feel it too. Like it's happening right now. So tenderly, yet with a passion I'd never felt before. I'm left breathless, my mind blank in the memory of his kiss. My eyelids flutter closed and suddenly I am one with that moment.

* * *

_Our shoulders brush, hands unable to reach for each other. Straining to be closer to him, my arms register an ache, I'm pulling to be free of the chains. And yet something in my chest begins to hurt. My heart aches worse than my arms. Because I know this will be our last._

_Only, if I take a second to examine the thumping in my chest..._

_It's strange. This pain in my heart feels too familiar to be fear, too old to be regret for a last kiss. This ache has been with me longer than I'd like to admit. It doesn't belong to Ani at all. It belongs to a completely different man. So I pause, letting my eyes open a fraction._

_Leaning further into me, his mouth still moves. He must sense too that this could be his last chance. I want to lean away but I can't bring myself to._

_Why am I really kissing Ani? It's not for any pure reason. It's not for any kind reason either. This young man promises to leave everything for me. How can I ask for more? The thing I have always wanted he is giving me for nothing. Not asking for anything in return, just to love him._

_Suddenly this perfect kiss feels wrong. As though-_

_The cart we stand in jolts forward, the heavy doors in front of us begin to creak as they're pushed open. Blinding light hits us and I squint, cringing away from the brightness._

* * *

And then the present crashes back into me! Noise and pain and the smell of sweat and blood- blazing sun brighter than before. Gritty sand scratches in my throat as I swallow and hot razor blades throb across my skin. And-

_Anakin._

The weight of him is comforting against the screaming, cheering. He is here in front of me, acting as a shield from the hostile noise around us. He protects me with his body. And the bull is sturdy under my weight, real.

But I'm tense just like Anakin is tense. Every muscle in his back is taught, shoulders straining forward, body heaving with breath. And sweat, dripping down his neck. The perspiration shines on the dark leather of his gear. I gasp for a full breath to fill my lungs all the way.

Anakin has promised to break his vows for me .

Here I sit, making a checklist of his movements, the strength of his back. Still I can't keep my thoughts on him. Instead of relishing his proximity I am desperately aware of Obi-Wan's body.

Both men are next to me: one's kiss lingers on and the other's warmth heats me past comfort. One man has promised me everything. The other has promised me nothing.

Obi-Wan has never kissed me. He has never held me. He has never spoken a single flowery word that could set my hopes up.

He has never given me a reason to think of him.

And that is the true source of my heart ache. Only one of them is a noble man. And he is the one that will never look at brief moment of contact has set my head spinning when Anakin has kissed me as though I am the only woman in the world. I am agonizing about one second of touch.

Because it is all I'll ever get.

With a jolt my thoughts are cut short. Anakin yanks the make-shift reigns hard, causing the three of us to slide backward. Obi-Wan's cuffed hands grope at the shred of fabric on my back and I cry out. Jerking away from the metal cuffs and his biting finger nails, I cling to Ani to keep from falling.

Obi-Wan isn't so lucky.

By some miracle he manages to roll as he falls off the bull's back, but lands on the sandy ground head first.

"Anakin! Stop," I don't give him time to respond as I scrabble down to a winded Obi-Wan. It doesn't even occur to me that we might have stopped so suddenly for a reason. All I can think of is Obi-Wan.

I wrap an arm around the older Jedi, tugging him to his feet. He accepts my help, smiling a bit and waving his hand to explain his fall away. I don't return it. Now's not a good time for jokes.

And only then do I see the new enemies. Destroyer droids. They roll and click and jump into a circle around the three of us. Brown bots with double guns each, clacking and shifting like armored beetles. Dooku is yelling something up in the stands, but he's too far away for it to matter.

Anakin is frozen, hands still raised holding the chain. He doesn't move and I follow his lead. But my arm secretly tightens around Obi-Wan's middle, if this is the only chance I get…

Well, it doesn't seem I'll be getting many more chances.

Anakin turns quickly to check on us, maybe to try to make out what Dooku and his men are making such a commotion about. I squint at him, still wary of the enemies surrounding us.

Without warning, bodies start raining from the sides of the arena, and chaos descends. The jeering mass in the stands burst into the air, buzzing and shrieking . Rolling away from us in all directions, the destroyer droid's attention seems caught up in the new movement.

Obi-Wan and I exchange a look and duck, running for Anakin.

I swing my head to the right, the left, up to the screaming swarm. All around us lights flash as the area floor fills with more and more people. What I had perceived at first as falling bodies are not actually bodies but hundreds of Jedi! Rushing toward us, at the droids, at the bug-like aliens. More droids begin to march from the sides of the arena into a growing fray. I hadn't imagined that my ears could hurt anymore than before. But the noise is greater now.

We reach Anakin, very much alive. I'm panting and Obi-Wan can't think of a single witty thing to say.

Obi-Wan is pulling away from me, questions on his face and in his mouth, moving to Anakin. Only then do I realize that I had still been holding onto him. That old ache in my chest twinges. I barely have time to feel it as Anakin slides from the bull's back to meet us. What they say to each other is lost in the noise but confusion is obvious in their faces. As I try to focus on their words and not on the roar of fighting, Anakin reaches for me. His hand grabs onto mine, still keeping eye-contact with Obi-Wan. They've agreed, it's time to fight. With a quick squeeze of my hand, Anakin let's go. He gives me a longing look but I can't return it.

And then they're striding into the maylay, both catching lightsabers tossed by a faceless ally. I sprint across the expanse of sand, snatching up a discarded blaster.

I'm actually glad for this distraction, if I can call the battle something so mild. I don't want to dwell on my feelings anymore. I'm exhausted from the intense indecision of the afternoon. Today I've felt more like the little girl I was on Naboo than I have in years. I've let my emotions run rampant. Wild. My mind has spun in a downward spiral as I try to justify my obsession and it's only left me with a bitter dissatisfaction. I can't hold Anakin the way I've been trying to tell myself I want to. And still… I've no hope of ever approaching Obi-Wan.

But now it's time to put all of that away.

Diplomacy doesn't rest.

Neither do its enemies.

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**A/N:** written for an August Writing Challenge

Day 2: Rare Pair

you can also find me on tumblr: goldenclasp


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